Finding Balance

How do you feel when you come to a sudden realisation that half of your life is over and the dreams that you had are nowhere near the horizon. That you have altered, made compromises with your dreams. Maybe that's why religion and philosophy gain importance, to fill the void created inside you. And maybe that's why zen saying goes that rather than the destination the journey is more important. It is the journey that brings meaning to life. In this life we get many fellow travelers, but those intent on reaching destination only, don't do justice to the journey,  and at the epitome of success find themselves alone, with no one to share their success with. The importance, the realisation that comes to me at this point of time is that we have to strike a balance in our life.

We keep swinging between the two extremes of joy and sadness, hope and despair, success and failure; and just when we feel that we have some semblance of control over our life, a tempest comes that again leaves us hanging precariously in between the two extremes, never at home at either end of the spectrum. Maybe that's why Buddha's teaching hold a special significance in today's world : he always said to choose the middle path, to strike a balance,  to never go to the extremes, to maintain equanimity in all situations. A simple teaching like that and even then people have been found wanting in doing that. Why is it so hard to strike a balance?

For whoever has struck a balance in his life is living a more joyous existence. Yet in my case though the brain accepts, i have not been able to strike a balance.  I keep fluctuating from one state to another, always under a deadline, always under pressure to finish things at the last moment. I find that my life has taken more of a sinusoidal curve : going from one extreme to another, and any attempt to change the status quo has only worsened the condition. For i find myself neither good nor bad; neither vegetarian nor non-veg; neither religious nor atheist; neither a day person nor a night person..... I keep vacillating between the two poles, like a pendulum, always in search of the other side, never at rest. As a first step, i have come to accept my strange  condition. But i am not doing anything overt to change it. It will change on its own as the awareness develops and longing for balance becomes hardened. Well till then I accept myself as I am. Let's see how long it takes to strike a balance, to tread the middle path.